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Looking Back, Looking Forward - A Widow's Perspective » 14 months since the plane crash....

14 months since the plane crash....

Wow.  I started my new job on September 6th - the day after Tom's birthday.   I was sitting in my new office yesterday, the 13th of September, when I suddenly realized that the 12th of September was the 14-month anniversary of the accident.  The day before.     I was startled that I had not "remembered it" down to the exact minute, the way I have in the past.  I was a bit upset.   I was on a conference call when it hit me.  Is this what happens as time goes on?    I will never forget, but this was the first time I did not remember the exact date and time.  Especially the time.    After all,  I had been to the cemetery on both September 10th and 11th.  In fact, I was in a golf tournament on the 11th and stopped by Tom's grave to tell him that I know how he always remember "9/11" and that I was arranging for a moment of silence before the tournament started.   I had recently put some new "Fall" flowers at the grave.    I will NEVER forget.

I am not sure what to think.  There are friends and family who would definitely chastise me for not "remembering" the exact date and time the way I have always remembered the exact date in the past 12-13 months.    However, I have to give myself some "slack."  I started a new job after 6 months of unemployment.  I had been on the job for less than a week.  Tom would probably be glad that I did not remember the exact date and time..in fact, I KNOW he would.  He would be very happy.  He knows I will never, ever forget.   He always told me to "not let any moss grow under your feet."  

Yes, I think he would have understood and would have been glad.   Only those who knew him like I did would agree.  He would have understood.  So I won't beat myself about it.  

Next week I will be in Chapel Hill, NC on business.  My colleagues have asked me if I want to go back to the crash site while I am so close.  I thought about it for awhile and have decided that there is no reason for me to go there again.  Even though I will be less than a couple of miles from the site....no, there is no reason for me to go back there. He is not there.   Who knows...I might change my mind once I am that close.  We shall see.     Stay tuned.

 

Posted 14 Sep 2011 23:33 by Deb Markwood

Comments

Rick Beach wrote re: 14 months since the plane crash....
on 15 Sep 2011 4:16

Interesting to reflect on the differences between remembering and forgetting.  Yes, you are moving on with new life challenges, so best wishes for those efforts.  Hard to imagine what is gained by remembering the exact date and time when there are so many new things to fill your life.  But also hard to imagine you forgetting that your life included Tom and his passions.  I hope you can find a new balance between these so that your life can grow and fill with new experiences.

Cheers

Rick
Frank Convertini wrote re: 14 months since the plane crash....
on 15 Sep 2011 8:05

The mind and memory are remarkable. There is a verse that I read some 40 years ago for the first time and it speaks to the mind's inability to remember the pain one has endured. It is: "The memory is notoriously inaccurate, the past is nothing more than a collection of fantasies". I suspect that you will only remember the best of life with Tom as time goes on and while I didn't know him, it appears that is the way he would want it to be.

Frank
Brian Turrisi wrote re: 14 months since the plane crash....
on 15 Sep 2011 9:54

Deb: Please do not beat yourself up over this. You are simply moving on in time and you are sorting out what is really important to you and not.

As an example, do you remember a year ago what the weather was like on your birthday. After all, your birthday is important right? But do you remember the weather that day? I do not remember with my own birthday either. nor the day before or the day after. It is because remembering the weather was just not important that day even though the event is important.

Yet, ten years ago, I am just about everyone remember the weather on September 11, 2001. It was a bright sunny clear wonderful morning. Why do we now remember that?? Because the weather was a factor in what happened around 8:30 that morning. It was a part of the scene and a contributor to the event itself. So we remember it,

The exact time of Tom's accident, especially on a monthly basis, will become less memorable because it really does not mean anything. Tom is who you will always remember but the time will become less significant as time moves on.

This is a good sign. It means you are moving on as well with your life which is what Tom would want. You are no linger getting bogged down by insignificant details of time. Enjoy!
Jack Long wrote re: 14 months since the plane crash....
on 15 Sep 2011 20:48

Totally concur with the other comments. If I were gone, I would hope my wife would think of ME on a daily basis, but I don't think particular dates and times are important.

The mere fact that you continue to post here after so much time is a testament to how you feel about him.

JL

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